Round and Round
Someone, obviously entirely more tech savy than I, found my unprotected personal files on my very unfirewalled and very networked computer. In sifting through the pictures and rambling word documents to determine just how humiliated I should feel, I found what is to follow. I can't help but chuckle at how dead on I was. Now at the bottom of that frightening plunge, I can hardly remember the taste of anxiety I previously felt. Though, while stronger, I can't claim to be any smarter, which makes me wonder the value of it all was. Too bad what doesn't kill also doesn't make you richer. I think I could live with the value of that lesson.
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Some clichés prove to be worth their repetitive weight in truth. You hear these phrases when they will be most helpful and only come to appreciate them when they have finally manifested their purpose in your life and are no longer of any use. Is it so impressive that we do not trust them at their utterance?
In our (that is human) defense, most clichés are but partial truths, rendering themselves less then trust worthy at their immediate inception. For example, it’s true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger-yes. But the adage is lacking in completeness. Because, honestly, what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger…..but only after it tears you down, breaks you apart and makes you wish it had twisted the knife a little to left completing its mortal mission. And, if we’re being utterly candid, it must be said that the next time any situation which could be used to illustrate this concept occurs, prior experience with perseverance in the face of horrifying, earth shattering, gut wrenching pain will be of little use and the entire lesson must necessarily be relearned.
It is to be expected that when faced with said repeat offender, the individual will accept the cliché’s sometimes credibility but attribute a certain ‘specialness’ to the current situation, which can be likened to a get out of cliché free card. “Sure sure, it made me stronger last time, but this time is different—this time it might JUST be fatal.” However when time has dulled the edge of pain that comes from the recall of said experience, one will laugh at and lament his or her inability to admit, initially, the validity of our familiar anecdote.
In knowing all this, you would think MY current situation would be a bit more…..palatable. comprehensible, even. but it’s not. the lessons past experienced seem somewhat…inapplicable. And while the brief appearance and reappearance of certain individuals in my life bear a decided resemblance to a current bit player’s manifestation in my daily existence, I find myself wondering if, unlike before, I will fall victim to this strife and self pity, never again seeing the light of happiness.
Sure, I’ve gained enough wisdom to recognize my proximity to the end of the plateau before I find my feet have wandered over the edge of the cliff, but there is very little practical use in this knowledge as it does not diminish my desire to continue along the fateful path. The value lies solely in having a vague idea of what’s about to happen before anything actually transpires. Yet like a child strapped snuggly into the car of her favorite rollercoaster, I never fail to scream at the pinnacle of each ascent, am powerless to do little else but speed down the stomach churning hill, and, defenseless against the sheer magnetism of the excitement, find my self repeatedly patronizing the sadistic contraption. So here I am again, waiting bitterly at the top of my own personal space mountain, teetering on the precipice of a yet another painful plunge into self effacing pity. Perhaps, though, this time is different. Perhaps those sonorous words are what reassure me as I grip the handrails which promise to grip me back, ensuring that, truly, this will not kill me.
**********************************
Some clichés prove to be worth their repetitive weight in truth. You hear these phrases when they will be most helpful and only come to appreciate them when they have finally manifested their purpose in your life and are no longer of any use. Is it so impressive that we do not trust them at their utterance?
In our (that is human) defense, most clichés are but partial truths, rendering themselves less then trust worthy at their immediate inception. For example, it’s true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger-yes. But the adage is lacking in completeness. Because, honestly, what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger…..but only after it tears you down, breaks you apart and makes you wish it had twisted the knife a little to left completing its mortal mission. And, if we’re being utterly candid, it must be said that the next time any situation which could be used to illustrate this concept occurs, prior experience with perseverance in the face of horrifying, earth shattering, gut wrenching pain will be of little use and the entire lesson must necessarily be relearned.
It is to be expected that when faced with said repeat offender, the individual will accept the cliché’s sometimes credibility but attribute a certain ‘specialness’ to the current situation, which can be likened to a get out of cliché free card. “Sure sure, it made me stronger last time, but this time is different—this time it might JUST be fatal.” However when time has dulled the edge of pain that comes from the recall of said experience, one will laugh at and lament his or her inability to admit, initially, the validity of our familiar anecdote.
In knowing all this, you would think MY current situation would be a bit more…..palatable. comprehensible, even. but it’s not. the lessons past experienced seem somewhat…inapplicable. And while the brief appearance and reappearance of certain individuals in my life bear a decided resemblance to a current bit player’s manifestation in my daily existence, I find myself wondering if, unlike before, I will fall victim to this strife and self pity, never again seeing the light of happiness.
Sure, I’ve gained enough wisdom to recognize my proximity to the end of the plateau before I find my feet have wandered over the edge of the cliff, but there is very little practical use in this knowledge as it does not diminish my desire to continue along the fateful path. The value lies solely in having a vague idea of what’s about to happen before anything actually transpires. Yet like a child strapped snuggly into the car of her favorite rollercoaster, I never fail to scream at the pinnacle of each ascent, am powerless to do little else but speed down the stomach churning hill, and, defenseless against the sheer magnetism of the excitement, find my self repeatedly patronizing the sadistic contraption. So here I am again, waiting bitterly at the top of my own personal space mountain, teetering on the precipice of a yet another painful plunge into self effacing pity. Perhaps, though, this time is different. Perhaps those sonorous words are what reassure me as I grip the handrails which promise to grip me back, ensuring that, truly, this will not kill me.
posted by that girl at 2:44 PM
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