Just another day at the bitch beach

I am fairly certain that we all have people in our lives that we wish weren’t. They are those particularly irritating individuals that, like stubborn grains of sand in our panties, can ruin even the most pleasant day at the beach. The worst ones are, again like panty sand, undetectable by others around us-friends, family….pets. While the injury is in our unwanted companion’s stank behavior, the insult is in their ability to go unnoticed as they pour acid rain down onto our otherwise sunshine filled day. This is, of course, a highly biased assessment of the situation. But I’m unapologetic. Not because I don’t care, but because the virulence of these individuals is not the point of my current musing. Instead, I dwell on a happier thought (and occurrence): the vindication experienced when panty sand shows his or her proverbial ass to all those who always doubted your assessment of their character.

Picture this: five minutes into Hollywood’s latest contribution to the espionage genre, a seemingly benign individual graces the screen. Without attention given to dialogue or context, you declare that this is the ‘bad guy’. Of course no one believes you, and because more consideration was given to your gargantuan tub of popcorn and atherosclerotic plaques in the making then to the plot which was likely constructed by some rich producer’s ten year old, they seem justified in their dissent. But you retain the conviction of your hypothesis. Why? Is it the handlebar mustache or the way the proposed villain strokes said facial hair with skinny elongated fingers? Perhaps it’s the figure eight eye mask, black and white striped shirt, and burlap sac bearing the well-known dollar symbol clenched in his non-mustache fondling hand. Whatever it is, it’s obvious to you and mind baffling that this would go unnoticed by your peers. Your time will undoubtedly come, though, ten minutes before the credits roll. This of course is not always the case with non-silver screen people. You may go an entire life time alone in your understanding of someone’s “crappiness”. So when one of these real life under-cover enemies reveals their true nature to mutual acquaintances, it is as delicious as it is rare.

Perhaps it’s vindictive and childish of me to relish such moments as they may come. But I cannot help reveling in the feelings of vindication. So I do so, with childlike enthusiasm…..and it is magnificent.